"Filter Scientist" Questions Queen's Age...

EDMONTON — A man using an vast array of Photoshop filters believes the Queen is over 1 million years old, not 88 years old as Buckingham Palace would have the world believe.

"After zooming in on her 200% and hitting her with a blast of infrared, I believe she's substantially older than most shale," said Jeff Day.  

Mr. Day admits he's not a 'traditional' scientist but he does have a lot of computers...and theories. And, like many scientists, his hair is often in complete disarray which further lends him an air of credibility. "If you squint, it's clear I look like a geologist or something," says Mr. Day.   

Is the Secret the Corgis?

The filter scientist suggests the Queen's immense longevity could be linked to her inexplicable love of corgis.  "Maybe they're not pets...but feedstock?" He says more research is required. And hair samples. Mr. Day claims he is in talks with Tom Hanks as a potential funding partner for a major film feature around the Queen. By 'talks' he means he's repeatedly endorsed Mr. Hanks via LinkedIn using positive words like "Gump-tastic!" 

Eighty Eight? Preposterous! She's almost Precambrian says commoner with CS6, but no scientific training. 

Eighty Eight? Preposterous! She's almost Precambrian says commoner with CS6, but no scientific training.