Weekend Walking Dead Chicken Recipe

A lot of people have asked me for my signature Walking Dead Chicken recipe. Ok, frankly nobody asked for it — but once you see it, you will ask for it. So here it is. 

1. Crock Pot Step 

Find a good roasting chicken. Frozen works. Find your crock pot. Put in 1/2 cup of chicken broth. If you have olive oil and rosemary, you are a better cook than me. You can lightly oil the bird and sprinkle with the herb. Then place the chicken in the pot breast side down, ideally. Add some onions around it. Sprinkle the chicken with spices. I use garlic, onion salt, oregano, salt & pepper. Sometimes I add a couple of shots of hot sauce to the broth to give it some extra zest. I talk to the chicken during the prep, asking it how its day was — you know, casual small talk — so the chicken will relax and be tender. Turn the crockpot on low for 4-5 hours. While you are waiting, why not measure your windows for plywood coverings. Jot down the dimensions. Rock back and forth anxiously. 

If you like mushy crock pot chicken, you can serve as is after 4 hours. But if you like your moist and crispy, then move to step two. 

2. BBQ Step

After about 4 hours, remove the chicken from the crock pot and place in a pan. Slather the chicken with BBQ sauce. You are about to attempt to stuff the chicken on a vertical BBQ pole. It is very likely you will fail. It is far too moist and tender. The chicken frequently loses a limb at this stage, hence the name of the dish.

If you can get the chicken to remain upright, place it on the BBQ on medium heat. High five or belly-bump the person nearest to you. 

Otherwise, it's often easier to cut the chicken into quarters and grill. Bring out extra BBQ sauce and dab the chicken with it on a brush.

Pour a glass of wine and hold the wine while you sauce the chicken. Why? because you have a special gift: an opposable thumb!  

Watch the BBQ for flareups...and the the horizon for threats. 

Serve when the chicken exterior is crisp. 

You're welcome.