The Poor Male Proboscis Monkey 

Look at that one, he has a banana on his face! Oh wait, that’s his freaking nose! HAHAHHAHAHA!
— Jane Goodall to a Proboscis Monkey

Clearly no mammal was short changed quite as bad as the male Proboscis Monkey.

First, lets get through all the science gunk so we can look at what's really starting at us in the face: their big, fat, long red noses. 

Suborder: Haplorrhini
Infraorder: Simiiformes
Superfamily: Cercopithecoidea
Family: Cercopithecidae
Subfamily: Colobinae
Genus: Nasalis
Species: N. larvatus


A lot of science literature dances around this monkey's mondo beak. The scientists say polite things like, 'The proboscis monkey has a very distinctive appearance.' By distinct they mean, 'holy weirdo nose'. Yes, the males grow very long noses, so long that they often hang down over their mouths. Theories suggest the length of the nose is a result of sexual selection by the females who may prefer larger noses. (Thanks ladies.)

Here's some facts:

  • Proboscis Monkeys live in troupes, high above in the forest canopy.
  • Globally, there are over a billion facial tissues used each year— almost half of these are used by this variety of monkey.
  •  Adrian Brody may be a Proboscis Monkey.